Thursday, 21 April 2016

Thursday Thoughts #7 -Vulnerability

Hi there sweethearts, how are we all doing on this wonderful Saturday? 

I'm in a rather chatty mood today, and I have a few things to talk to you about, so that's exactly what I'll be doing in this post! I hope it makes for a nice light read while you sit with your breakfast coffee... Speaking of coffee, I could really do with one- but that can wait. 

I've always been quite an open person; I guess you kinda need to be if you're a lifestyle blogger like myself. You need to be open about sharing a little part of yourself to the world; or whatever part of it reads your posts. My friends all know how open I am. It does take me a little while to trust someone enough to open up to them, but after a few days or so I'll usually have tested the waters a little, and I'll know whether or not I can trust them. The answer is usually yes, and it's not really very hard to get that 'yes' with me. 

In some ways, I almost fool myself into thinking I can trust the people around me. Does anyone else get that? I tell myself that I don't trust people very easily, but the truth is that I really, really do. Sometimes that can be a really great thing, but it opens you up to being really quite vulnerable. That scares me.

In our society there are two contradicting views; one that vulnerability is great and should be applauded, and another that people should be strong and keep their vulnerabilities to themselves and very close family/friends only. I see problems in both views. See, encouraging vulnerability is great in some situations, but if you're always vulnerable, you're inevitably going to get hurt, or manipulated in some way. Of course that's not your fault, per say, but it's avoidable pain. So avoid it. On the other hand, however, if you're never vulnerable, you're never going to gain from the benefits of opening up about the things you're struggling with, and you're going to live your life walking on the safe side, which could lead to opportunities being missed.

I don't like being vulnerable, and I absolutely detest thinking of myself as a vulnerable person. But I am. The honest truth is, I trust people way too easily. I open up to people I don't really know, and I justify it to myself by telling myself that I've tested the waters, when I really haven't... that's gotten me into trouble a lot in the past couple of years. It's gotten me hurt a lot, too, recently.

I guess a part of that is also down to my idealistic view of people. I say I'm not judgemental, but it gets to the point where I'll defend someone who I know has done something terrible. I want to believe that everyone is good, they just do bad things sometimes. I'll sometimes even argue that there isn't even such a thing as 'good' or 'bad' people, which I guess there isn't really. I believe we're all as bad or good as each other, but is that just what my rose tinted glasses make me see?

I'm rambling. Sorry.

Trusting people, and being vulnerable at times- that's not a bad thing. Opening yourself up to being walked over, and deceived, and manipulated- that's the bad thing. I've had enough of letting people walk right into my life just to see them walk right out with a piece of me. If I keep letting that happen, I'm not going to have a lot of me left over for myself.

I don't want to become over cautious, I just want to be a bit more careful when opening up to people. It's time for me to look after myself.

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