Learning to walk the tightropeSometimes I just feel like I've been going from strength to strength, you know? And it's great; I'll have gone over 250 days clean, I'll have been happy; like really happy. I'll have got all this stuff in my life going for me, and it will feel good. It will feel good to breathe and just relax and feel healthy again.
But then something like this comes and it knocks me off the road, and I end up in that place where I'm doubting myself. I doubt my ability to get back up, and that's when the depression kicks in. It's like the niggling voice in your head that tells you you can't do something, and sometimes it's easier to ignore it than others. But there are times where I've fallen down, and this niggling voice turns into a battle cry, screaming and shouting about how worthless I am. How could I let myself fall into this pit of despair when I was finally on the right path! And I'm like why am I here again? Why can't I just walk down the path and be fine?
But then I look back and see that it wasn't a path that I was walking on, it was a tightrope. And when an acrobat starts to learn how to walk on a tightrope, I'm sure they fall a lot. That's just part of the learning process, so just because they fall doesn't mean they can't get back up. The tightrope is a scary place and looking down is just gonna make it harder so you need to focus on what's ahead of you. See what you've achieved, and don't be too hard on yourself. Yeah some people are gonna find it easier than you to walk the tightrope, and some of them are going to be able to do flips and tricks and stun the crowd, but for now you're training. You might not be strong enough to do all the fancy stuff, but you're learning how to walk.
You need to be easy on yourself, because life is a learning process, much like the tightrope, and you need to pick yourself back up and keep trying. Falling down isn't a bad thing, but it is important that you get back up again.