Saturday, 8 August 2015

A million questions


How do you say hello, without meeting?

I got my exam results last Tuesday, and they totally shocked the socks off of me. I got straight A's. How on earth did I get straight A's!? I'm not smart! I mean, sure I know how many hours each week I spent studying, but I thought only smart people got grades like this?

Have these results opened new doors to me? Which university course should I apply four? Which universities should I apply for? Do I want to go to a university close or far from home? Should I try to get a job for the next year to save up for university? Should I get a summer job next year? Should I consider taking a gap year to get more experience? Should I do this or that? Should I avoid this, or go right for it?

How am I meant to cope with the fact that this is going to be my last ever year of school? That I might never see these amazing friends again- at least not for another 4 years. How will I cope without having the support of my amazing teachers, who have always had my back, and have always tried their best to answer all my questions? How am I supposed to cope with the change from school to university? What if I don't even get accepted into university? 

Do you ever wish things would just stay the same forever? Is there any way that I can make this summer last longer? I just want to keep this peace and happiness for when I have darker days- is it possible?

When I see him again, will he still love me? Has he moved on, has he found someone better? Does he think of me as much as I think of him? Why don't we talk as much as we used to? Nothing lasts forever, and nothing stays the same, so why can't I stop feeling this way? Why do I still love him even though everyone's telling me to get over him? Why has he been so mia on me?

Why is there always a mistake to learn from, a memory to forget, and feelings to surrender to? Why does my life seem to constantly feel like a fable; a story for other people to learn from? Why can't I just have a break, a rest so that I can just stop and breathe and stay still? How can I stop time, and rewind back to the place where everything was still and peaceful? Did ever such a place even exist?

How do you say goodbye, without leaving?

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